


In My Father's Footsteps

by Eggsyobsessed



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Child Loss, Feels, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 17:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggsyobsessed/pseuds/Eggsyobsessed
Summary: Having Lee was the greatest accomplishment in Merlin and Eggsy's lives. Their son wanting to be an agent, just like Eggsy. It was wonderful until it wasn't.





	In My Father's Footsteps

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I have no idea where these idea's come from. Sometimes I question why I post them. So, heed the tags. Not a happy ending. 
> 
> *Heavy angst, OC character death, child loss.*
> 
> If you choose to read it, thank you and I hope you enjoy it <3.

It was easy when he was little, for Eggsy to smile down at his boy. So eager to be like daddy. He wouldn’t deny it had brought a sense of satisfaction. His son, Lee, was everything he had hoped for. Everything that Eggsy and Merlin could have wanted in a child. After having used a surrogate, they were given the greatest gift, the opportunity to be parents.

They hadn’t regretted a second of their lives after Lee. Having grown to be a handsome, eager young man. It didn’t surprise Eggsy nor Merlin when an agent position became available, and Lee was the first to volunteer. Of course, Eggsy proposed him as his candidate. And it wasn’t at all shocking when Lee won. Taking the name Tristan, Eggsy and Merlin couldn’t have been prouder.

Sitting next to the hospital bed, Eggsy felt anything but pride at that moment. He felt disgusted, disappointment in himself and his husband for allowing their son to become an agent. There weren’t many moments in Eggsy’s life that he regretted much, but with his son’s limp hand in his, he was finding it hard not to.

Eggsy wasn’t a stranger to the field, had been in it himself twenty five years before taking on the mantel as Arthur. And there, that brought on a new wave of shame. He sent his son off to his fate, to the state Lee was currently in now. His son had been on life support for well over a month, Eggsy knew. The doctors of Kingsman already telling him and Merlin that the chances their son would wake were slim.

Staring at their joined hands, Eggsy couldn’t help but compare the difference. His own worn, older pair, to Lee’s vibrant, fresh young ones. Not even three months past his thirtieth birthday, and they were being told Lee wouldn’t age past that. That his son's life was ending, essentially over.

The door opening had Eggsy turning, a small smile forming on his lips as Merlin walked in. A bit slower these days, each was spending a night here, refusing to leave their son alone. His husband was older, the chairs not as forgiving to his body. Not that they were any better on Eggsy’s fifty seven year old back.

“Ye should go home,” A gentle caress to his back. “Have a shower,” Merlin said softly, long fingers combed through his mostly grey hair.

“I can’t leave him,” Eggsy whispered. How could he leave his son?

Merlin understood, sighing he pulled a chair beside Eggsy, thumb grazing over soft skin. They just stayed in silence for a moment, the only sounds were of the machines that were breathing for Lee, the ones keeping him alive, “Eggsy.” Merlin began, it was a tired sigh of his name.

“Don’t,” Eggsy gently pulled his hand away. A conversation that had been brought up the last week. Leaning forward, Eggsy smoothed Lee’s hair away from his forehead. The same honey-brown hair that once adorned Eggsy’s head, was now longer and greasy from lack of a wash and cut. Perhaps he’d do it later, Eggsy thought.

“We have to talk about this,” Merlin tried, voice choked. It was no easier for him than it was for his husband. He wished Eggsy would understand this, Merlin hated it just as much as he did.

“Hamish,” Eggsy warned. He was tired of everyone telling him he needed to let go of Lee. That they needed to cut off the one thing that kept him here with Eggsy and Merlin.

“He’s not here anymore,” A few tears escaping his eyes, Merlin swiftly wiped them away. Piercing blue-green eyes shot at him, gaze burning a hole into his soul.

“Fuck off with that,” Eggsy spat, he regretted it almost as quickly as it had come out. Watching the hurt cross Merlin’s eyes, just then he could see how tired his husband was. How much older he looked, the realization that this was just as hard on Merlin as it was him.

Biting his lip, “Oh babe,” Eggsy cupped Merlin’s cheek, running a thumb over his wrinkled face. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed. He crashed against Merlin’s chest, being pulled into a warm embrace. Eggsy let go for the first time since this all had happened. Since Lee had returned from a rescue, battered for lack of a better word. Suffering a brain injury so severe, Lee wasn’t coming back to them. Eggsy cried for his stupidity, for allowing his son into this organization, for sending him out on that mission that killed their boy. Stripped them bare of their only child.

“I did this,” Eggsy murmured into the softness of Merlin’s neck. “I killed our son,” he let the tears fall, soaking Merlin’s jumper.

“Shh,” Merlin held onto his husband tighter, rocking him side to side. “Ye dinnae killed him,” he soothed. Because Merlin didn’t believe that, Eggsy wasn’t responsible for this. Their Lee was tenacious, would have found a way into Kingsman even if Eggsy hadn’t proposed him.

A few more moments passed, Eggsy had no more tears to cry. Sticking to Merlin, his face streaked from his despair, “We need to let him go.” Every word spoken hurt, his heart hurt. If it was possible, Eggsy felt it would break. Maybe it was breaking, he pressed his forehead against Merlin’s.

“It was supposed to be us first. I was always ready to go first,” Eggsy began to shake. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

“I know,” Merlin agreed, a firm kiss against his husband’s lips. “I dinnae know if I can do this,” he admitted. Merlin had allowed Eggsy to grieve, without properly grieving himself. Merlin didn’t know if he could pull the plug, watch their son take his final breath. Having been there when Lee took his first.

Pulling back, Eggsy ran a palm over the softness of Merlin’s bald head, “I’ve left you alone in this, haven’t I?” Observing the now red rimmed hazel eyes of his husband, Eggsy felt new moisture gather in his own, “I’m so sorry, Hamish.” Regret and apology thick in his voice.

“I know,” Merlin tried to smile.

They spent another hour just talking to Lee, telling him how much they loved him. How proud they both were of the man he had become. Both on either side of their son, watching as everything that was keeping Lee alive was shut off. It was another thirty minutes before it was over, before Lee took his last breath. None of the medical staff disturbed them, as they mourned the loss of their only son.

A month after burying Lee, Eggsy retired from Kingsman. Himself and Merlin moved away from London, relocating to Scotland. Neither being able to stand to be near the places that reminded them so much of their boy.

As Eggsy sat on the sofa, a small fire going, Merlin tucked beside him, he rubbed a thumb over the new medallion that hung around his neck. Each one in honor of the two Lee’s in Eggsy’s life. Giving a light kiss to Merlin’s temple, Eggsy rested his head on his husband’s shoulder, smiling at the picture of their boy on the mantel. Closing his eyes, a feeling of his son over his heart, Eggsy couldn’t wait for the day he’d see him again and he knew, Merlin felt the same way too.

**Author's Note:**

> Again if you read this, thank you. Love you all.


End file.
